Dear Katie,

My uncle died how should I get over it?

I thought about your question all day and here is my reply. Don't be in a rush to get over your grief when someone you love dies. In fact make time to grieve. Whenever I'm really mad at the world, my therapist Susan asks me, "Katie, have you been grieving?" My answer is sometimes "No." You see, I have to make time to grieve about the loss of my abilities. I can't, nor do I recommend, living in a "state of hate" where you are mad at the world and you treat everyone like you don't care.

OK, so I have the following suggestions;

1. Cry your eyes out if you need to. Do it alone or with a trusted friend or relative. It really is ok to cry, although others may not see the value. But I applaud those of us who can do it.

2. Write a letter to your uncle,

Dear Uncle...

Tell him how much you miss him.
Tell him how angry you are that he's gone.
Tell him what you will miss the most about him
Share your favorite memories.
Share your least favorite memories.
Apologize to him, if you need to.
Recall his favorite jokes, foods and tv shows/movies.
Write a poem in his honor.

And cry some more.

You know, I really think it takes a year to fully accept the passing of someone we care about- their birthday, holidays and such. So cut yourself some slack. I know I had to when I lost my dad in 1998. God, did it hurt.
But...I have felt him and his presence since then. (I hope that's not too over the edge for you.) But I have.

One more thing; after you've written your thoughts and feelings down- share them with another person close to your uncle. Then you can have a good cry, laugh and remember the cool dude you miss.

I hope this helps.