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Katie Rodriguez
Banister will answer your on line questions! Click
Here to submit a question.
Question for Katie:
For a married couple -
things to help with romance and our sex life - Jon
Dear Jon-
Sex and people with disabilities; you don't see those words together
very often! But we all want to be loved and touched in a
compassionate way. I am a quad and my husband doesn't have a
physical disability. We have known each other since 1993 and he
waited a year and a half for a kiss. I'm a lucky woman!
I was quite the "Barbie" girl prior to my paralysis. I
loved dressing up and all that went with it. After I became a quad
I thought my looks were gone. Well, I learned once again to put on
make-up and that made me feel good about myself. And I think that
that is the key to a healthy sex life; feeling good about who you are.
The second step to having great sex is communication. I tell my
partner what I like and dislike, otherwise how else is he gonna know?
Hold each other closely and share your deepest secrets and desires.
Share your fantasies. So what if you can't fulfill these erotic
thoughts. Just talking about them can be fun.
Try to set up "dates" for yourselves. Go to the movies
and hold each other's hands. Then sit out in your car and make out
or go home and make out, pretending that your parent's are upstairs.
There's nothing like pretending you're gonna get caught to add to the
excitement!
Read a book about improving your sex life, together in bed. Give
each other a massage. I'm very limited in my movements and it
really bums me out sometimes. But my husband really enjoys what I
am able to do.
Leave each other loves
notes in surprise places. Turn off all the lights and light up a
bunch or 1 or 2 candles. I love fun smelling candles or burning
incense. Turn off the phone and pretend you're not home. Or
if you can, check into a hotel for a night. Maybe drive an hour or
two out of town to do so.
Surprise your partner. Try to do things you've never done or
haven't in a while; send a small bouquet of flowers, have a picnic in
your living room, trying having sex in a place or position you haven't
before. Be open and honest with the one you love.
We can all fall into a rut of boredom and it does take energy to pull
ourselves out of it. But if you truly care about each other and
your marriage, it's worth the extra effort.
There is a great book, "Enabling Romance" by Klien & Kroll
about one partner with and one partner without a disability. The
magazine, "New Mobility" has printed many issues on sexuality
& disabilities. Go to "Google.com" then type in New
Mobility.
Your questioning me on this subject, to me, means that you really care
about
the person you love and that you want to make your marriage stronger.
Try
some of these ideas. I have and the results have been a lot of
fun! Good
Luck!
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I miss the me I used
to be
Standing on my own
But now wheels go 'round,
Freedom Found,
Independence shown
1992 - Katie Rodriguez Banister
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