Access-4-All - Feel It, Think It, Say It, Write It

A Process for Change

I am a motivational speaker but not every one of my days is filled with wonderfully motivating experiences. Things don’t always go the way I want them to and I battle depression on a regular basis. But when these issues do pop up – when I get jealous and insecure - I cry, get mad, vent my feelings to a willing partner and move on.

Life has ups and downs. That’s a fact. And change is the only constant in life. I have used my personal method of Feel It, Think It, Write It and Say It to cope with the changes and challenges in my life.

Feel It…………..

When I was growing up my father was a strong, stern and very strict man, almost militant at times. He could laugh at the comedians on TV but he couldn’t laugh, let alone cry about his life. He didn’t have time for personal emotions. So whenever life got the best of me and the tears started to roll down my cheeks my father would bellow, “Katie, quit crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” I hated hearing that.

My father, like a lot of guys, and some ladies I know are what I refer to as “emotionally disabled.” It’s like they don’t want to even think about confronting the difficult and down side of living. They try to keep themselves “happy” all the time and not acknowledge their own sadness. Some people escape with food, drugs, alcohol or their work. They numb themselves by going on auto pilot. They choose not to really “feel” life in the true sense of the word. But not me! If I feel something someone’s gonna know it!
Life is a game.

Everything is a learning opportunity.

So jump in!

Think It……………

My teen-age years were plagued with first feeling then reacting. I didn’t do as much thinking as I could have or should have and that led to making decisions without fully thinking them through. I saw life as black or white when in reality there is some gray.

I had no patience for people who couldn’t keep up with me. For example, if one of my friends did something I didn’t agree with, I reacted by ending the relationship when I should have slowed down enough to process what was going on and figure out why my friend reacted the way she did. This is a great challenge for a lot of young people I know. And it is still hard for me not to judge others. But remember, we are in this life together and each of us are on our own path and that should be honored.

When you point your finger at someone

You still have three pointing back at you.

Write It…………..

You would think that my being an author would mean that I didn’t have problems writing. Wrong! My writing assignments in high school and college where full of mistakes, spelling errors, and poor grammar. So now I’ve learned how to ask for help to make sure my writing is the best that it can be. But I’m not perfect. I still find mistakes in my finished products. But I do the best I can.

Beyond the technical aspects of writing, I’ve always kept a journal and have written poetry since elementary school. Some of my best poems come from my depression. I was diagnosed with depression in 1990 after an auto accident that left me paralyzed from the chest down. When I am giving a talk or a training program, I share my poems and people often ask me if they can have copies. My third book will hopefully be a collection of my poetry.

In 2003, I self-published Aunt Katie’s Visit, a 1st book on the culture of disability for children in grades K-5th. It is a modern look at assistive technology with beautiful and bright illustrations in a hardcover book. (Retail $16.99)

In 2007, Demos Medical Publishing released my second The Personal Care Attendant Guide – The Art of Finding, Keeping or Being One. It is about finding and being a good caregiver. To have a successful; working relationship both the person needing the help and the person providing it must respect each other’s position. (Retail $16.95)

You can order copies on this website and
I will personally sign the book
To a person you would like me to.
When you place your order
Please let me know under
“special instructions” on the order form

Say It……………….

I started seeing a counselor in 1990 because I was twenty-five, and sad a lot of the time, couldn’t find a job I really liked and my personal relationships with men were not what I wanted them to be. I found Susan through the referral of a close family friend. During my first session with Susan I gave her a list of thirty things I needed to change about myself. Her response was, “Well Katie, we better get busy!” I spent the next few months going to her office every two weeks using an entire box of tissue to dry my eyes.

Susan told me that crying is good and that it is a powerful tool to use to help one grieve. I’ve learned that grieving is important. We all should do it. We have losses and we should recognize them in order to over-come them and move on. After my accident, I kept seeing Susan on a regular basis. It is through her that I know and love the person I am.

Put it all together…………

When you are confronted with a loss or difficulty try
feeling it, thinking it, writing it and saying it.
You’ll be glad you chose this as a process for change.

I Think

I think about things. I dream and scheme
What to do, wouldn't you?
To be the best is my goal
Pay the price. Pay the toll

It's deep inside pushing me on
Think thoughts today
Yesterday's gone

When things got tough I was the type to turn and walk away
Now I've learned to make a stance. Take a chance and grow
I'm still the same yet different
How much you'll never know

-- Kt Banister

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